I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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