I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
