Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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