Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
