theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
