And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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