Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
