How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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