after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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