Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's like iHOP with fire
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
