census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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