Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she looked like the before picture.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
