My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
