I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
