I can tuck mytits in my pants
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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