The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
