My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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