wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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