check it out our google latitudes are spooning
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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