Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
