Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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