Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
