doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
