I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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