11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
