she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
