Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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