i would punch a child for taco bell
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
