we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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