I'm gonna have a badass scar
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
