Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
