I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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