i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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