What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
