I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
