I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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