you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
