We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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