I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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