I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
