I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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