You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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