So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
