Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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