I want you more than these girls want KFC
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
