you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
