Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
