the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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