Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
