Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
