Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
