I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
