For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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