Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
